Teen Dating and Sexuality: Top Ten Tips for Teens to Have More Fun and Date Safely


by Krista Bloom - Date: 2007-01-31 - Word Count: 969 Share This!

1. Define who you are and where you're at: Knowing yourself first is very important. Who are you as a person? What are your interests? Do you want a relationship? Are you available for a relationship or are you still licking your wounds from a bad breakup or having your heart broken? Are you a hopeless romantic, a cynic, or a realist? Answering these questions can get you off to a good start.

2. Focus on taking care of your needs: Make sure to take care of the basics, such as eating, sleeping, exercising, having fun, affection, keeping clean, having healthy friends to socialize with. Taking care of you makes you much desirable to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend.

3. Ask yourself what are you looking for in a relationship What type of person do you most enjoy spending time with? Are you a hopeless romantic, What are some qualities that you are looking for? Do you enjoy talking? Are you more of an activity person, where you like to plan dates? Or do you like to stay home, play games, or watch TV and a movie.

4. Find safe places to meet people: Try joining activities, clubs, and organizations where you can share common interests with people. For example, if you love horses, or horseback riding, find a local place that offers teen trips, etc. Of course, there are other school clubs, such as the school newspaper, that offer opportunities for you to participate together. Although the internet can be fun, it's not always the safest way to meet people if you are planning to get together in person. Also, don't give out personal digits such as phone number to a person you don't know.

5. Try meeting a variety of people and getting to know them before choosing one person to be serious with. This will avoid serial dating, breakups, and drama at school. I would not recommend going out exclusively with the first person who expresses an interest in you, or the first person you are attracted to. If you are more selective to begin with, you are more likely to have a happy and successful relationship.

6. Set Boundaries for sexuality so you can relax, have fun, and avoid bad situations. Focus on what you will or won't do sexually with your boyfriend or girlfriend once you have established that you are going to go out with them. If you are absolutely certain that you want a purely social relationship, and not sexual, then let the person know that you like to spend time with them, but that you do not want a physical or sexual relationship. If you like someone, but want to let them know that you are not "after them" for sex, then let them know that you really like and respect them, and that you would just like to get to know them as a person. If you want to stick to kissing or hugging, then say that you like to kiss and hug, but that's all, so you would appreciate the other person respecting that. If you want to go further sexually, then try to be as clear as you can about what you will and won't do, what you do or don't like, and what is absolutely out of the question for you. That keeps the guesswork out of things and avoids unwanted advances.

7. Make safety your top priority. Try to engage in only those dates or activities that you consider safer. Since you and everyone else are mortal, it is important to take care of your safety so that you can be around to enjoy life! Reckless driving, mindless sexual behavior. Drinking, and drugging are all examples of unsafe behavior. Educate yourself about safety in and out of the bedroom. There are plenty of activities to enjoy without putting yourself at risk. The Planned Parenthood website is a good one for other information and safer sex practices: www.lovecarefully.org

8. Communicate from the heart and mind: You can talk about safer things first with a new person, such as what types of music and movies you like, what kind of computer you have, your iPod, or your other interests. Try not to tell your life story on a person, or let them dump it on you. Later, once you feel safe to be more open, communicate what you think about that person, and how you feel, once you know that there is some trust there. If it is hard for you to do in person, write down some thoughts and say them to the person on the phone, or write to them via IM or e-mail. You can also send a card, a letter, or an e-card. One website to send free e-cards is www.123greetings.com

9. Be willing to walk away. Decide what your deal-breakers are. Some examples may be cheating, beating, drinking, drugging, or criminal activity. If these behaviors are unacceptable to you in yourself and others, then decide to walk away from those people and situations. This may be the hardest thing to do if you like someone, and want to be liked, but be sure that you will find new and better friends. You can't control other people, only yourself.

10. Be yourself! Don't put up a front, be find out what really is fun and exciting for you. And go for it! If you find that you are not interested in anything, are confused, or very unhappy (if to you life sucks), you may need some help or guidance. Try to find a school counselor to talk with, or ask your parents to help you find a counselor to talk with. After all, you have the right to be a happy person! Of course, everyone has bad days, and if its just a bad day or a bad week, then do what you can to make things better, and hopefully they will be!


Related Tags: relationships, sexuality, boundaries, teen dating, safety tips, breakups, talking about sex

Dr. Krista Bloom, Ph.D., is a sexuality educator, counselor, and coach. Whether you feel a little unhappy, or would like to improve your whole life, I collaborate with you so you can reach your highest potential. I help you create your life plan based on your needs, desires, and goals. I use an open and supportive approach to help you design the life and relationships that you want! I am also available for special events and public speaking. If you would like to set up an appointment or participate in a workshop, feel free to call (754) 234-6991 or e-mail Krista: Krista@healingcouch.com You can check out upcoming events at http://www.healingcouch.com

I provide sexuality and relationship information and articles on a regular basis. Do you have a relationship question? If you e-mail me a question, I will answer it for you.

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