It is sometimes annoying that I can recall conversations with such clarity, yet am plagued by inability to reconstruct meanings. These incomplete reconstructions are usually based upon information which is missing from the speaker. Let me give an example of what in the world I am talking about.

A few months ago my husband and I were having cocktails with the godfather of our youngest. For background you should know that the godfather, as I will call him, is prone to speech which is a little, shall we say, over the top. Now at this point in time the godfather was newly married. In speaking to us on that particular evening he commented, "Well, my wife is a trophy wife too." Hmmm. I was immediately fascinated by this brief yet unexplained statement.

I am an analyst, no not professionally, but by nature. I can analyze the 1.3 second pause occurring in between my husband waking up, seeing my face and his "good morning", without missing a beat. I mean does it really take 1.3 seconds to greet the love of your life? I am, however, getting ahead of myself; for now let us return to the godfather and his "trophy wife" remark.

Unfortunately the flow of conversation did not justify my grilling, I mean following up, on the godfather's comments. Since I am a woman who knows how to pick my topics, issues and battles, I allowed my curiosity to pass.

It was not until two weeks later that we saw the godfather again, this time in the company of his wonderful new bride. "Godfather," I said, "you said something a few weeks ago that really caught my attention. You said that new bride is a trophy wife too." Godfather looked at me a little surprised, searching his overtired brain for the comments that I was attributing to him. "Mysty," he said, "If everyone paid attention to the words I said as much as you do, my life would be a lot simpler." That was it. No explanation.

New bride was of course interested in her husband's comment. Did godfather mean that new bride was a trophy wife, as she is the second bride? Did godfather mean that I, Mysty, was a trophy wife in addition to new bride? Godfather, perhaps wisely, never explained himself and we, as wise women learn to do, let the matter drop.

In being wise I must tell you that neither I nor new bride are "trophy wives" in any particular sense. I researched the definition of "trophy wife" only to uncover many crudely formed opinions that the "trophy wife" is a gold-digger, exists only to evidence her husband's successes be it financial, physical or otherwise, she is physically attractive and she is a younger woman usually married to an older man. While I think new bride and I are both beautiful in our own right, neither one of us wears anything close to a 2, we both fight with cellulite and losing post-pregnancy pounds, we are both very smart, independent and very much our own women. New bride is a successful attorney who made it on her own long before she married godfather. I, of course, am your guide to unleashing the fabulous inner you, aka your Life Coach. I should also mention that I make great French toast. I am done with self-promotion now! New bride and I both married "late" in life, that being in our 30's. We are both extremely devoted to our children and are somewhat endowed with the notion that we are the driving force behind our husband's successes. I believe that I have established that new bride and I are not trophy wives.

In looking at all of the things that new bride and I represent, I came to this amazing revelation. It was sitting there in front of me simply waiting to be picked up, explored and shared with women everywhere. It was a revelation that would both excite and unite women forever. Finally, an understanding of womanhood that does not have to be parceled out into whether you are a feminist, professional, homemaker, single mother, lesbian, gold digger or whatever combination of adjectives can be assembled to describe or identify women. New bride and I are not trophy wives. New bride and I are Trophy Women.

I can't tell you the day or even the year that I became a trophy woman. It was a process. I can, however, tell you that once you embrace the knowledge of your value as a trophy woman your entire life will change. You will find yourself accomplishing things you never thought possible. The amazing thing is that these accomplishments will fit entirely within the realm of who you are. Being a trophy woman does not require you to give up being a homemaker, if that is your choice. Instead being a trophy woman means that you will be the greatest homemaker on the planet all the while living life with decreased stress, increased happiness and appreciation for yourself and those around you. Being a trophy woman does not require you to give up your career, if that it is your choice. Instead being a trophy woman means that you will soar to new professional heights because you understand your value not only as a woman, but as being the unique trophy that you are.

Stick with me because in this article, and the parallel book, we explore what it means to be a trophy woman. You already know that I like to analyze so rest assured we analyze all of the elements. We look at why you might not see yourself as a trophy woman and how we can change that crippling way of thinking. We look at the amazing new life you can lead as a trophy woman. We talk a little about how the men of the world should relate to you, the trophy woman.

I am not talking to you from up on a mountaintop, looking down into a valley where I have never walked. I have lived life full of stress because I was yearning to achieve. I have lived life feeling less than everyone else around me. I have lived life feeling like I would be lucky to have any man to have me, as long as I could just have a man. I have lived life feeling like I could only achieve validation from material possessions. I have lived life feeling like I was such a rotten failure on this planet that I would probably be better off not being here. I have lived life with a mental image of my ugliness constantly playing in my head. And yes, I have lived life looking at myself as a mother and wondering if all of my hang-ups and quirks were going to put my kids in therapy somewhere down the road. Finally I have lived life trying to overcompensate for all of my failures by being overly promiscuous, conspicuous and overly giving. If I haven't hit the one that covers you yet, I could go on. Otherwise, trust me when I say that I have walked a mile in those shoes you are wearing, be they stilettos or sneakers.

Today is your day. You did not come across this article by accident. I am not a transcendental person, but in this case I do believe that something in the universe, God or whatever you believe in, put this article into your path. No matter what put the article in your path, something else inside of you caused you to keep reading. It is time you learn to embrace your inner Trophy Woman: unpack her, polish her off and introduce her to the world.

Of course you know what a "trophy" is, so you could probably just skip this part. Not really. I once wrote a lengthy article on how we are all going through life looking for a great ink pen so I know what I am talking about when I say that there is always something deeper that can be taken from even the most mundane of objects. Read on.

Let's start with the typical definition of a "trophy." Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia (www.wikipedia.com), provides that a trophy is "a reward for a specific accomplishment, and usually afterwards serves as proof of merit." According to the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, one definition of trophy is anything serving as a token or evidence of victory, valor, skill, etc. Without belaboring the point, another definition of trophy, as found in the American Heritage Dictionary, is a "memento, of one's personal achievements."

What you should take from these definitions is the point that none of these meanings says that a trophy is something which must be given away or something that must be given to you in order to create value. So if you are sitting there with a nagging voice in the back of your mind thinking, "I am not a trophy. I am my own woman. I don't need anyone to give me anything." Good. That means we are getting started on the right foot.

I have been told that repetition is the best way to facilitate learning. Without debating the merits of that statement, I will say again that being a trophy woman does not require you to give anything to or receive anything from someone else. I really want you to understand this point because if you cannot grasp the idea that you are innately blessed with amazing qualities, qualities that no one on this earth could possibly give you, then you really can't move forward. Please forward this article on to a loved one or friend who understands this concept.

Now perhaps I am being a little bit flip about giving the article away, but an inability to accept the fact that there are amazing things about you really boils down to a self-esteem issue. Self-esteem is another long and difficult article or book to write, read and grasp and we could not possibly cover all of the elements of dealing with self-esteem here. But because I care deeply that all women get this message and unpack their inner Trophy Woman, I will offer a few things to you on this issue.

As with most of what I say, I speak from experience. You would be hard-pressed to find a woman who walks the walk of what she talks more than me. At the time of writing this book I am 33 ½ years old. It was only over the past five years or so that I finally came to rest with my own issues of self-esteem. I remember well the days of hearing people tell me how talented, smart, pretty, funny, friendly, nice, etc., I was. I also know that until I did a lot of internal work I could never grasp those terms as relating to me.

Thinking back about low self-esteem I remember days of overspending to compensate for how horribly inadequate I felt. I can vividly recall the nauseating feeling I would get in my stomach as I signed some $1,200.00 store charge slip for luxury items that I thought would make me feel beautiful. I was willing to ride the wave of my husband's displeasure with the spending just for the chance that I would feel a little bit better, if only for a little while. I even remember telling lies to build myself up just in the hope that people might think that I was a good enough person to be friends with. Low self-esteem is a sad way to live because you wake up every day wondering why people would say all of those nice things about you if they aren't true, but yet you can't buy into those things as being true for you. I know it probably won't help at this point, but I can tell you that all of those nice things people say about you...they are true. Even if you can't see it now I invite you to keep reading this article, or the parallel book, because we are going to get you focused on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. By the end of the book you will no longer be "low self-esteem girl" but "Trophy Woman."

At this point I have given you the world's definition of a trophy. We can build on that definition, "a memento of one's personal achievements", in order to begin an understanding of your role as a "trophy woman." A memento is also a keepsake. A keepsake is also defined as a "remembrance." It is here that we find the start of our definition. Being a trophy woman is to keep remembrance of your achievements as a woman. What are those achievements? What are those remembrances? You, the Trophy Woman, are or will be: ? Truthful - with yourself and others, understanding and building on your strengths. ? Respectful - of your world and all of the good things in it, acknowledging your role in attracting positive elements into your life and maintaining balance through respect. ? Observing - taking inventory of yourself in order to understand what you can offer to others in contribution to their successes all the while maintaining balance in your own life. ? Perfect - perfectly happy in the knowledge of who you are and in being in your own skin, blemishes and all. ? Healthy - understanding that you cannot serve yourself, your family or those you choose to work for without being mindful of your health. ? Youthful - living a life which underscores your belief that you are not your age, you are the dynamic individual who approaches life with the same zest no matter the season.

Don't worry about memorizing the acronym, after all you will never walk up to someone and say, "Hi. I am a Trophy Woman because I am truthful, respectful, observing, perfect, healthy and youthful." That would, however, be an interesting conversation to observe...all 47 seconds of it before the person turned and walked away. Instead you will begin to see each of these qualities develop in your life in a way which will not require you to tell anyone. If you have ever gone on a "secret" weight loss program you know exactly what I am talking about. You didn't tell anyone you were doing it, but people just started asking if you had been losing weight. People will see the change in you just as you will feel the change in yourself. This will create an amazing synergy as each of the individual characteristics begin to work together to form a stronger bond of identity and purpose.

I would invite you to begin the journey to unleash the Trophy Woman within you. Start by writing down your top five strengths. Follow up by focusing on the top three, thinking of how you can use those strengths to create the ideal life that you envision. Evaluate your support system. Are you surrounded by friends, family and colleagues who build you up in your journey? Consider having a third-party professional such as a life coach or mentor to assist you. Take the Amazing Woman Quiz at http://www.growingambassadors.com/amazwomanquiz.html. Remember that it is a gross myth that some were born with the ability to succeed while others were not. Go through each day knowing that you have the tools inside to create the life you desire to have.