Love: Tips for Fifty Years of Happy Relationship


by Mary Bauer - Date: 2006-12-16 - Word Count: 516 Share This!

"I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul and to me, this has always been enough…" And so begins author Nicholas Sparks' touching novel, The Notebook.

I'm a hard-core nonfiction fan myself and don't usually go for the sentimental stuff, but I have to admit that this is one of the best stories I've ever read. The opening chapter is set in a nursing home. We meet the eighty-year-old protagonist Noah Calhoun on his slow, daily shuffle to his wife's room. She suffers from Alzheimer's and can't remember who he is anymore. In an effort to help her remember, Noah reads to her from a tattered notebook their life's tale. And every now and then, after he finishes reading, a miracle occurs-she recognizes him.

She recognizes him. How many of us can say that? How many of us live with our loved ones and never really see them for who they are? Instead, we try to change them to fit into our idea of who they should be-or what we need them to be.

Now, I'm not a psychiatrist or counselor, so I'm not about to get into what makes a good relationship or a bad one-I doubt anyone but the couple themselves knows what works best. However, I do know a couple who have been married for more than fifty years, and because I married their son I've been privy to some of their secrets for a happy relationship. Here's what I've noticed:

* Respect and friendship. They respect one another and genuinely like each other. They do not intentionally try to hurt the feelings of their partner, but rather encourage and appreciate each others' talents and strengths.

* Pride. They are proud, but not boastful of their accomplishments and family.

* Teamwork. They are very willing to help one another in any way possible. She helped him for years in the fields and the barn, now he helps her with the dishes and cleaning.

* Thankfulness. They are grateful for life in general and accept the good times with the bad.

* Honesty. They are honest with one another, their family and their friends.

* Unpretentious. They are comfortable with themselves and aren't trying to be someone else. They are who they are, and that's absolutely fine.

* Humor. After eleven children, as many in-laws, and twenty-some grandchildren, they've cultivated a good sense of humor. They know how to laugh-they also know how to pray.

* Freedom. They do most things together as a couple, but they also allow one another the freedom to explore other interests and hobbies separately.

He still looks at her with a twinkle in his eye, and she still smiles and blushes when he does. They are love created and love celebrated. Their eyes are wide open and they recognize what they've got.

Copyright Mary M. Bauer. You are free to use this article in part or full provided you include the bio.


Related Tags: teamwork, love, relationship, friendship, humor, honesty, happy, respect, encourage, alzheimer, sparks, fifty

Mary M. Bauer is the author of five books, including The Truth About You: Things You Don't Know You Know (VanderWyk & Burnham, 2006). Visit http://marymbauer.com

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