Dating Advice: What Is It That Can Define A Relationship?


by Greg Alan - Date: 2006-12-21 - Word Count: 448 Share This!

People are compatible on many levels - Opposites sometimes attract and detract; sexual and appearance attraction; intellectual attractions. But one common defining aspect of a long-term relationship like marriage, is children and whether or not one or the other wants to be involved in raising them.

For most males and females, the urge to procreate…or "biological clock" is a ticking time bomb. As much as one can say "they never want children" publicly, the private and deep seeded need to have children is always there.

Noted psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation:

"…that as humans meet 'basic needs', they seek to satisfy successively 'higher needs' that occupy a set hierarchy…" One of the "higher needs" include family. Sex itself, is considered a basic need, but having more to do with the need to reproduce and "extend the bloodline" than the simple pleasure we all get from it.

Now, from someone who is not a psychologist but an average Joe, this all seems rather technical. But the scientific reasoning is sound according to research at the University of Chicago and University of California at Santa Barbara done in May of 2006.

"…Women are able to subconsciously pick up cues of interest in children in men's faces and use those cues to determine if they are attracted to them for long-term relationships…"

And this stunner…it doesn't really matter how attractive physically you are…

"…an important factor in their attraction to men for a long-term relationship was their perception of a man's affinity for children, even after accounting for their perceptions of men's general kindness…Our data suggest that men's interest in children predicts their long-term mate attractiveness even after we account for how physically attractive the women rated the men…"

In his Familiaris Consortio (translation: "On the Family") #15 the former Pope, John Paul II identified "the Family" as the building block of society…

"…it's fundamental task, the procreation of children…(and that) the value of a childless married relationship can be enhanced by the involvement…of children other than their own, by adoption, fostering, teaching, or charitable work with the sick or disabled…"

Even if you aren't Roman Catholic (and I'm not), his reasoning certainly can extend to relationships for those who don't intend to have children. Newlyweds themselves are a potential family…no one is arguing that they shouldn't consider themselves a family if they don't have children, are they? No one ceases to be a family upon the death of their only child…and brothers and sisters don't cease to be a family if they lose their parents.

In other words: Family values don't necessarily mean reproductive values. For our purposes, the ability and openness to a more lasting bond indicates the value of a solid relationship.


Related Tags: relationships, dating tips, dating advice, dating, dating secrets, marriage and family, adult relationship

Greg Alan is an internet marketer and affiliate marketer and publisher. He operates an independent blog, E-Commerce Now, that contains helpful advice and information for other affiliate marketers and those who want to be

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