Things happen frequently that upset us, and sometimes something might happen that leads us to feel angry about the situation. Feeling angry is a normal part of life - just as we feel happy or sad, so too we feel angry from time to time. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. If you ignore anger, it will not go away. Neither will venting about anger make your feelings go away. Pretending to be nice all the time or that everything is fine and burying your feelings of anger will not make them go away. Saying nothing and withdrawing from the situation will not work and neither does denying anything is wrong. Feeling angry is normal but it must be managed to be let go.

3 Steps To Deal With Anger

Step 1: Recognize that you feel angry and know that it is a normal emotion. The first step in dealing with anger is to understand that it is okay to be angry and it is a normal part of life. It is also okay to admit that you are feeling angry about the situation. Your feelings are important and you should feel comfortable about admitting to them.

Step 2: Get calm. The second step in dealing with anger is to calm down. There are plenty of things you can do to calm down such as taking a walk, speaking to a trusted friend or confidante, going to bed and resting, writing your feelings down in a diary or in a letter (but keep your writing to yourself), yoga or meditation. You can take some deep breaths, exercise, draw or listen to music. You need to find a technique that works for you and do it whenever you feel angry to help calm yourself down.

Step 3: Talk about your anger. Once you are calm, then you are better able to discuss your anger with the other person involved. You need to avoid finger-pointing, rather concentrate on you and your feelings which means using I-statements, such as "I feel angry when (this situation) occurs because (reason)." (You can tell the other person you'll talk about it later once you've calmed down. Talking to a friend or confidante might make you feel calmer and help to get clarity on the issues.) Once this is expressed, you can follow it up with a statement about what changes you would like to happen so that the situation that causes you to feel angry is less likely to reoccur in the future. The first important point here is to ensure that what you say is reasonable and, if you avoid blame and finger-pointing you are less likely to make the other person feel defensive. Try to be fair to both you and the other person. The second important point is that the other person may have a different view to yours and you should be prepared to listen to their perspective and be respectful of what they have to say. You need to try to understand their point of view even if you don't agree with it.

5 Tips To Managing Anger In The Future

Tip 1: Know your limits and your triggers. Try to understand what causes you to become angry. After that, try to devise a plan for reacting differently if that occasion happens again. In other words, if you know that you become angry when a certain situation occurs, plan in advance how you are going to react to it. While planning ahead might not stop you feeling angry, it may help you by being prepared to manage your situation differently.

Tip 2: Stay away from substances that can increase anger. Some of the most common substances that contribute towards a shortness of temper are alcohol, drugs, caffeine and lack of sleep. Wherever possible, and especially when you are going through a stressful time, try to avoid excessive use of alcohol or other substances and get plenty of rest.

Tip 3: Practice your calming techniques. The best time to practice your calming techniques is when you're not angry, so practice the best techniques for yourself when you are happy so that they become second-nature for you when you are annoyed.

Tip 4: Focus on your message - not your manner. Often when people get angry, they say things in such a way as to make the situation worse. This will almost certainly be the outcome if blame, accusations or put-downs are part of the dialogue. What happens in these situations is that the other person starts to focus on your manner - not your message and what you are trying to say. Listen to your words and think about what you say before you say it, and if necessary change your language to be less intimidating or threatening.

Tip 5: Remember an argument is not the end of the world, it's just an argument. Everyone disagrees with someone and if it ends up as an argument it isn't the end of the world. By keeping an argument in perspective, you will avoid making a mountain out of a molehill and be better prepared to move forward. Don't hold grudges since the only person who suffers is you.

Final Thoughts Most people don't like conflict because it has negative connotations and can leave people feeling intimidated by the conflict process. It doesn't need to be this way, and these tips and strategies offer you a way to manage anger more effectively and with emotional maturity. They offer ways to diffuse situations that are heated in such a way that both people can walk away feeling like they haven't lost as part of the process.