Bringing up children can be a great joy, but it also requires more patience that just about any other activity you can mention and is one of the few things in life that quickly lead to a case of chronic stress. But parenting does not have to be stressful. Challenging - yes, but stressful - no.

Stress is a combined mental and physical condition which arises whenever there is a seemingly insoluble conflict between 'I must' and 'I can't'. In other words when you feel that you must find a solution to the problem that is worrying you but simply can't see any way of solving it. When it comes to parenting however neither of these two components is inevitable.

The dilemma for the parent is that there are many situations in which you feel that you must achieve a particular outcome and, equally, many situations in which you simply want to throw up your hands and say "I can't".

But very few desired outcomes are so fundamental and have such a long-term impact that they should be regarded as of overwhelming importance. And, if they're not of overwhelming importance then you shouldn't let yourself be overwhelmed by striving for them.

It is also often possible to separate out the two components and, just as in every other aspect of life, to be realistic enough to understand that there are some outcomes that you really can't achieve. At the same time, realism will also often indicate that many of the goals that we set as parents and not goals that 'must' be achieved at all, but are rather goals that would be 'desirable'. Some goals may well fall into the 'must' category but, if we're honest with ourselves, these are few and far between.

When it comes to educating our children, for example, this can be both a difficult and hugely important task. But, whatever we may want, it's not essential for success in life that our children enter a particular school at a particular age. There are always options open to us and, while these may sometimes require us to make difficult and unpleasant choices, there is invariably a solution.

Most importantly, these choices do not need to lead to stress. Making choices, no matter how difficult, does not have to lead to chronic worry, insomnia or feelings of helplessness, all of which are common signs of stress. It's entirely possible to regard a goal as being important without concluding that you don't have the necessary resources to achieve it. Indeed, even when you don't have the resources, you can often acquire them.

Turning to education again, many parents worry over how they are going to pay for a good college for their child and yet today there are more ways to finance college fees than there are to buy a house.

Few of the dilemmas of parenting are as potentially stress-inducing as a child who simply won't listen or whose behavior is unruly or even violent. Here, too, there are rarely any quick solutions but if you approach the problem with confidence in your ability to find a solution and take a long-term view of the problem you will probably get there in the end and will certainly go a long way towards reduce stress on your journey.

Also, don't forget that you are not the world's first parent and, while you may feel that you don't have the resources you need, they are almost certainly quite close at hand through grandparents, friends, teachers, counselors and others.