Self Improvement Articles - How many times do we look at ourselves in the Mirror?


by SANDRA PRIOR - Date: 2010-08-24 - Word Count: 624 Share This!

How many times do we say 'I love you' to that face, that body, that soul?

'When I was drinking I would never look at myself squarely in the mirror,' says Carmen. 'I would wake up in the morning, and I'd notice the bags under my eyes, the dehydrated skin - and I would put on more make-up and moisturizer. I would drink orange juice for the hangovers. I was deceiving myself. I was thinking, ‘it's okay; everybody does it.'

For Stella, the mirror became a reflection of her dissolution. 'When I was drunk I would look into it and I would say ‘Look, you and I are drunk, but nobody knows about us.' The very dichotomy of our roles as women is a barrier to seeking treatment. We're expected to be ladylike, but also independent and in control. Both of these requirements mean it is especially difficult for women to admit to a problem and seek help. Add to that the stigma of alcoholism and it's no wonder that women wait for many years, decades even, before surrendering to what Carmen terms 'the gift of desperation'.

Very often women leave it later than men and because alcohol takes a physical toll on women much quicker, they are often quite damaged when they arrive for help.

But there's only one way to recovery, and it's not easy. The using of alcohol is never the problem. It's only when you take the alcohol away that you get insight into why that person needs to use it. Making the 'searching and fearless moral inventory' required by step four of the 12-step recovery program is a cornerstone of breaking through the addiction, as is the spiritual awareness that is essential to what Stella describes as an 'evolutionary program on a deep, deep level'.

The spiritual aspect of the 12-step program requires that addicts develop a relationship with a higher power, but as they understand it to be. 'My higher power is symbolized by a praying mantis,' says Stella, as she lifts a wire sculpture of a praying mantis. 'It's amazing how often they turn up - I find them in my garden, under leaves, in my car...'

Having the support from others, she says, is 'a power greater than just one'. Alone, Carmen and Stella agree one cannot fight alcohol addiction. They are both continuing to attend their follow-up meetings, to do their daily readings. Says Stella, 'to believe in something other than money is to be truly free. It's a password to a phenomenal life, and I have had glimpses of incredible blessedness'.

'I have to research constantly to keep reminding myself of how-cunning this disease is,' says Carmen, who says she is finally able to set her own goals and to put her foot down. 'For the first time in years I'm me again. I can make my own decisions. It's like a light going on. Within two weeks (after checking in) I knew that my marriage was over. I'm still in the middle of the divorce, but every day I feel better. I've learnt to stop blaming others. I see clearly how alcohol destroyed my life, slowly and insidiously; how it made me moody and de-motivated and then depressed. But I'm happy now. I'm getting back into work after 15 years and I'm giving to something and getting something back. I'm not just giving all the time. Every day there is a little more light.'

And while Candice stumbles on in darkness, she ends our call with a promise that she will attend a meeting. 'I'm going to do it,' she says. 'I look at my girls and I wonder what kind of mother I'm becoming.'

Sandra Prior runs her own bodybuilding website at http://bodybuild.rr.nu.


Related Tags: help, treatment, alcohol, addicts, drunk, alcoholism, drinking, addictions, hangovers

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