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Adding to Your Credibility - Just say No!

A "no" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. MAHATMA GANDHI

How many times have we said "yes," and what we really needed to say was "no?" As women we have been known to put others first, and it can be a habit that is deeply ingrained; can we make a new habit of putting ourselves first? There are many reasons that keep us saying yes to every request for our time and for our efforts. Do you think you would have less stress if you were able to think your answer through before saying yes? What are some reasons that many of us quickly agree to saying yes without thinking deeply about our choices?

First of all, often times we have ourselves on auto pilot to say yes, almost like a default program on our computer that opens up whenever we turn the computer on; very often we can find ourselves saying yes every time there is a request directed at us. Being available to cheerfully assist could make us feel as though we will be better liked and we will appear as a cooperative person; an important aspect of success in our work is being a good team player. Saying yes could make us feel important, and it could also be that we love to be needed; most of us are just plain nice, but it really isn't always being nice to ourselves in the moment.

One of the ways I justify my own lack of determining what is best for me is that I know I will enjoy doing what is asked of me, and I love the challenge of fitting one more activity into an already busy schedule. Unrealistically, I just have not thought it through, to realize the truth that there may not be enough hours to comfortably add another task to the mix of activities. Now I realize I have said yes too often and took on too many projects that are of my own liking, but definitely can interfere with what is best for me and my peak performance. When we know why we tend to say yes when we should say no, it is helpful to create the criteria through which we will determine the best choice for answering "yes" or "no."

How could you develop your accepted standard through which to make your decisions and to give your answers? There are several things to consider when you wish to say no. - If you want to say no, then be truthful and really say it; no explanation is necessary, but do not dilute your words by mumbling something like, "check back with me if you don't find anyone." - Make sure your body language matches your answer. - When you say no, be sure to visualize the good ramifications of this decision in order to support your choice. Take the time to visualize how professional you are by not overextending yourself, and make an affirmation around it, such as, "I am making the best choice possible for all those involved."

If you want to say yes, but are unsure if you will be able to devote the proper amount of time to the task or project in question, determine all the options before making your commitment. - Determine exactly what needs to be done, how long it will take and how the activity can be broken down into manageable chunks that fit in with your schedule. - Be definite about how you can contribute, and set boundaries around your time. - Find out if there are others who can share the responsibility. Perhaps the task would benefit from others helping and dividing the work. Then be sure to ask for the help needed.

How can taking the extra time to make your decision add to your peace and serenity and your professionalism and integrity?

Lorraine Calhoun, Act 2 Consulting, specializes in holistic personal coaching to help women to go from chaos to calm even in the midst of the inevitable stress that shows up in midlife. She can be reached at lorraine@act2consulting.com or 215-794-8606. To get started feeling less stress right away, look up Lorraine's complimentary E-book, 7 Steps To Go From Frazzled To Fabulous, at http://www.act2consulting.com/modules/smartpartner/partner.php?id=10.