Preparing for Remarriage: Where are the Congratulations?
Your children may be the primary nay-sayers. This is a big change for kids who've already experienced a lot of change they didn't ask for. Research shows us that children are typically one step behind their parents in dealing with all of the changes after a divorce or death. What does this mean for you? Well, just about the time you tell the kids you're planning to remarry, they're getting used to having you as a single parent.
It's not unusual for kids to seem content with your dating partner, but once an engagement is announced, it makes the upcoming changes more real to kids. That's when resistance can set in. The ages of your children has a lot to do with this, however. If your kids are young, they tend to bond easier with new partners and are more comfortable with the changes. As the kids get older though, more challenges will be present.
It's not just your children you have to worry about too. What about your family? This remarriage thing may be new to them and they aren't sure what the proper etiquette is. How will holidays be spent now? Are they responsible for gifts to step-grandchildren they hardly know? They may have loyalty conflicts with your previous spouse. They may fear you getting hurt again because they may have helped you pick up the pieces from the previous loss.
These same concerns may be present with your friends. Whereas with a first engagement friends offer "Congratulations!", you may get a "Are you sure about this?" this time around. Again, this is probably born out of a concern for you not getting hurt. But it can still make you feel as if your bubble has just been burst.
Finally, what about you? Are you as sure and confident as you were the last time you were engaged? You've gone through a lot. Are you sure you want to make yourself and your children this vulnerable again? Are you having any doubts about making this lifelong commitment after what happened the last time?
Don't fret. These are normal questions to be asking yourself. You should be more concerned if you're blindly running to the altar. This IS a big decision. You should make every effort possible to make this decision with your eyes wide open to how different your life will be and to prepare for those changes. Step-family preparation is one of the best ways possible to educate yourself on these very differences.
Related Tags: wedding, children, family, divorce, couples, step-family, remarriage
Visit http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com for more information on how to prepare as a couple and a family for remarriage. Subscribe today to the Remarriage Success Tips E-Zine at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com/e-zine.htm for more helpful articles to guide you on your step-family preparation journey. Alyssa Johnson, MSW, LCSW is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success. She may be reached through her website at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com
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