Several years ago, after two decades of rewarding but challenging work, I found myself bereft, unable to carry on. I was a family physician practicing in a Native American community clinic when the demands of my work began to overwhelm me. It wasn't sudden, but insidious. A gradual fatigue had crept in, leaving me exhausted and disheartened, scattered and unfocused. All my life I had enjoyed my work and had felt a natural sense of enthusiasm. But now, to my great dismay, that well of energy and inspiration had run dry. I felt drained and used up.

As I looked at the causes and conditions that had led me into burnout, and as I began to address them, I learned an important truth: that my sense of well-being was not dependent on situations, relationships, or any outer circumstance. My well-being was directly related to the quality of my inner life. On my path of recovery from burnout, spirituality has brought me many gifts. I especially want to mention these three: purpose, presence, and power.

1) Purpose: When I first went into medicine, I was young and idealistic. Originally, I came to the clinic on the reservation because it seemed like they needed me and I could make a difference there. The community had been pushed to the margin of society and was struggling with many issues related to poverty. In spite of all of this, the people had a vitality, spirit, and vision that intrigued me. I wanted to help and to be a part of their recovery.

Eventually, my burnout cost me. It took away my enthusiasm, my dedication, and my sense of purpose. My energy had dwindled to the point where my goal was simply to make it through the day. There was nothing expansive, caring, or creative about my work.

Now, however, I begin my day with the spiritual practices of meditation and prayer. As I take this time, I come to a place far beyond the simple idealistic desire to help bring health to a community (as good as that sounds). As my spirit grows, I am able to see each patient as more than a physical being with some health issue, chronic disease, or addiction. I see each person as having a true Self, an essence that is spiritual. I try to connect with each one in a deeper way, hoping to share light and blessings. As I attend to their health issues, I try also to encourage my patients to become who they truly are.

Approaching my work this way actually expands the gift of my purpose to include the gift of compassion as well. Compassion allows me to see others as more than their outer appearance. I see beyond the burden of their misery, recognizing their essential goodness. Seeing the beauty of the souls of my patients, I can act with blessing and love toward them. I am only able to do this as long as I continue to regularly engage in my own practice of meditation and prayer. My spiritual practice pushes me to this higher sense of purpose, which in turn fills me with a sense of worth and usefulness.

2) Presence: A second gift of spirituality is the sense of presence that it brings. I've experienced this blessing in two ways. First, I have begun to feel the presence of the Great Spirit. There is a joyful confidence, a peaceful quality about this presence. I pause during my day, take a breath, and say a prayer inviting the Divine to bless and inspire my next meeting with a patient. Often, something new and dramatic occurs. As I create space for a spiritual presence to enter, I become less judgmental, less defensive, and more accepting. My gift for coming up with creative solutions is at its peak. I am intuitively connected to my patient. Without this connection to the Divine, I would have no room for this perspective.

In the past I might have said a prayer asking God to help me with some endeavor or task, but just saying the words didn't reshape my attitude. Back then, I had expectations that God would grant me favors. I had an agenda that I wanted God to fulfill, and when that didn't happen, I became resigned and discouraged. Now, by opening myself up to listening instead of telling, the answers I need often come almost instantaneously.

The second gift of presence is that of my own true Self. In the past, as a busy, enthusiastic doctor, I prided myself on my ability to multi-task. Now I am learning to practice moment-to-moment awareness. When I feel myself drifting away from the present, I stop for a moment to get quiet, take a deep breath, and let go of all distractions. Doing this throughout the day, I can fully attend to each task and each person I meet.

By practicing meditation, I have learned to hold my thoughts in awareness without letting them take over. By being fully present, I have become a much more efficient doctor: the task gets done the right way the first time. I get to the heart of the matter more effectively. This reduces the feeling of struggle, so that I have more joy in everything I'm doing.

3) Power: The last gift is that of power. This is not the kind of power people ordinarily think of; it is not authority, control, or influence. In fact, it may seem like the opposite. Spiritual power comes from letting go of our need to control, releasing expectations of how things should turn out, and trusting in the Divine.

Why is this surrender such a great achievement? Why does letting go result in power? Because, put simply, letting go is hard to do. We often spend a lot of energy worrying if things don't work out as we planned, when instead we could put our trust in divine wisdom. As we develop in spiritual life, we come to realize that our ultimate life is in the spirit. This realization allows us to begin releasing our attachments to external life: to our appearance, the kind of car we drive, or our position on the social ladder. As our sense of spirituality develops, we experience a reverence for our lives and for the lives of others. We see the delicate weavings of a master plan, and this gives us the gift of being able to release our attachments and turn them over to a higher power, to the Creator of the master plan.

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