1. We think that things will just magically get better by themselves in time.

Have you ever heard someone say, "Don't worry about it." "Everything will work out for the best." "Just carry on the way you are." "There is a silver lining in every cloud." Listen, if I'm told my town is going to be flooded, I am not going to wait for the flood to come and then look for the silver lining in the storm cloud. I would either leave town or buy a big boat. Don't believe this irrational thinking that things get better if you neglect them and that you do not need to take action to improve or change your situation. The only thing that gets better on its own in time is a bottle of wine.

2. We are waiting for someone to come along and rescue us from our situation.

Some people are waiting for someone else to step in and help them change their situation. They complain about their situation and tell everyone how horrible it is, hoping that someone will jump in and rescue them. People who constantly rescue others are called "enablers". In their attempt to provide continual support, they often prevent others from developing self reliance.

3. We constantly look for ways to reframe and reinterpret our situation without taking any active steps to change it.

Have you ever heard people say, "Look on the bright side," or "See the glass as being half full rather than half empty"? Yes, there are some benefits to changing the interpretation we attach to certain things and seeing things from a positive perspective. However, sometimes we attach positive meanings to situations so we can remain stuck in them. Since we have attached a new positive interpretation to our situation, we are now off the hook in terms of taking any action to change it. An example of this is someone reframing the fact that their business is going bankrupt, saying to themselves, "I will just let this happen and let it take its course. Just think how much better I will be able to empathize with others who have also experienced financial shipwreck." In this case, they may find it easier to reframe their situation and remain in it instead of taking action to salvage their company.

4. We are trapped in a state of waking hypnosis in which we just accept things the way they are even if they are getting worse.

I remember hearing a rattling sound once from under the hood of my car. It didn't seem too bad so I left it. In time, the noise became louder. What did I do? I turned my radio up to drown out the noise. The rattling under the hood became even louder. What did I do? I turned up my radio even louder. In the end, my water pump gave out, my engine blew up, and it cost me $2300.00 to have a rebuilt engine installed.

Sometimes we know something isn't going right in our lives, and we simply just let it continue. It seems as if we become paralyzed into a state of not caring about what happens to us. We "turn up" the volume of our lives to live in a state of delusion or denial and keep rolling along day to day.

How do we get out of this state of waking hypnosis in which it seems as if we are robots just moving through life marking time?

First, take some time away to be alone and take an inventory of your life. I mean book a hotel room for a day and night and just sit in the quietness of that space and review your current life away from all the distractions.

Secondly, write down how your life would be different if it could be. Allow yourself to relax, rest, and dream.

Thirdly, look at areas that drain you in your day to day life and look at the different options and alternatives you can choose from to either eliminate them or change your response to them to manage your own personal energy level more effectively. Don't wait for life's wake-up calls from the front desk!

In my experience, life's wake-up calls are startling and can send us reeling. Wake yourself up to the reality of your own life. Face the truth brutally and honestly and then set a course to change your life into that which you desire it to be.

5. We believe that the pain associated to changing is greater than the pain we are experiencing by staying where we are. We may also have a painful association connected to changing a certain aspect of our lives due to a past negative experience.

Once, I had a terrible tooth infection. I decided that it was better to keep popping pills to numb the pain than to have the tooth examined. I believed it was more torture to go to what I called "The House of Pain" rather than to put up with the constant ache caused by the infection. Perhaps this fear was instilled during my childhood. As a child, I had a dentist who in my mind looked like a character from a horror movie, who worked in a bizarre laboratory filled with tools used for torture. My past painful experiences of going to the dentist as a child influenced me to remain in my present situation as long as I could. I saw going to the dentist to have my tooth looked and possibly removed as being more painful than enduring the constant dull ache.

6. We perceive that we live in a state of constant crisis. We are thus unable to take steps toward changing our lives since we are always in a crisis management mode.

In working with people who want to quit smoking, I discovered that many of them had an excuse why "right now" was not a good time to quit. They planned to quit as soon as things became less stressful in their life. Guess what? Things never become less stressful. These people never came to the place of breaking point since they always had a crisis to be resolved before they could "work on" quitting their habit.

Most people who believe they are living in a state of constant crisis find it difficult to make the commitment to change. They are easily distracted by everyday events and are unable to make a decision to change some aspect of their life that could impact them positively for a lifetime.

Sometimes we can become "crisis conscious". It seems as if we interpret everything as being a crisis and respond to it in such a way. This sense of being "crisis conscious" is a cleverly devised technique some of us use to avoid taking the risks and disciplined actions connected to changing our lives to make them the way in which we dream they would be.

7. We have bought into the "acceptance" and "gratefulness" theories that teach us to simply accept ourselves as we are. We are to be grateful for our current circumstances, even if we are unhappy.

I have some issues with some 'body image' folks who teach people to simply accept themselves being grossly overweight while they are on the road to deteriorating health and possibly an early death.

I have some issues with being told to be grateful for a miserable life when each of us can do something to improve our situation.

The "acceptance" theory often gives people the justification they need to give up working toward improving themselves or their situation.

8. We have a low self-esteem and have failed so many times in the past in our attempt to make changes that we cannot afford to fail again. We no longer believe the promises we make to ourselves since we have broken them so many times. We may also fear receiving rejection and ridicule from others if we work toward changing our lives in a positive way.

Where does building self-esteem really begin?

It begins by keeping the most important promises we can make - the ones we make to ourselves. Our self-esteem begins to rise when we take action to honor those promises.

Building your self-esteem through a 'touchy feely' "Let's all give each other a pat on the back" approach doesn't last. Affirmations are nothing more than well-crafted delusions unless they lead to action.

The mutual admiration society produces a lot of fluffy 'feel goods' that float away.Labeling "our strengths from A-Z", giving each other a standing ovation in a group setting and seeking the approval and praise from others provides some help.However, keeping the promises we make to ourselves, taking action, and seeing results is really the secret key to building and maintaining one's self-esteem.

How can you start to build your own self-esteem?

Here is the answer in a nut shell.

Tonight before you go to bed, write out a list of three goals you will achieve the following day. Make them simple and attainable. Then, review your wins at the end of the day before you go to bed that night and set for yourself three more goals for the next day.

When you write down your small wins, you can not only see your progress, you will build integrity with yourself in terms of keeping the promises you have made to yourself.

Keeping the small promises we make to ourselves helps us to build the muscle we need to keep the bigger ones we would like to make in the future.

When it comes to receiving rejection or ridicule from others as we decide and work toward changing our lives, here is the raw truth. It will most likely happen!

The only way to overcome ridicule and rejection is to become inoculated against it. It is to become so immune to it that it has no power over you.

I recall wanting to be a magician, performing shows for your children. The very first show I did I burned my finger, cut my hand, and dropped half the props on the stage. I was so nervous that very few tricks worked and the children were amused yet not entertained.

The man who booked me for the children's show hired me since I charged about $50.00 and told him I was just learning how to perform magic for children. After the disastrous performance he said, "You are the worst magician I have ever seen. I would never book you again. You might as well quit and get out of magic. It's not your thing".

For days I felt sick to my stomach and wondered how much I could get if I sold all my store-bought props.

Then, I decided to call the man up and thank him. Yes, thank him! "I would like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to try out my tricks and learn from the experience. I realize I need improvement, and I was glad to have the chance to perform," I said.

I then went on to perform some more disastrous magic shows until I developed my skills to the point in which I was making $500.00 per show, performing for service clubs, company picnics, and outdoor special events.

The best way to get over rejection and ridicule is to get a good steady dose of it until it no longer affects you, and you use it to increase your drive and commitment to achieving the outcomes you desire.

Being unwilling to pay the price of looking foolish, being ridiculed, being rejected and learning through failure after failure is one of the key reasons why most people never go beyond merely dreaming about changing their lives in a powerful and significant way.

9. We take the advice of a so-called expert that tells us what we want to hear. This gives us the excuse we are looking for in order to avoid making the changes in our lives.

Once, a 200 pound woman and an out of shape man told me how they had heard on the radio that eating dark chocolate was good for our health. They went on to explain how the dark chocolate helps put you in a good mood and how it is good for your heart. They then justified eating chocolate bars on a regular basis since they believed a so-called expert telling them chocolate was good for them.

People who don't want to change find experts that will tell them exactly what they want to hear in order to justify their behaviors.

There is a story about a nomad who was traveling across the desert and had run out of food. The only thing he had left to eat was a bag of figs. While in his tent under candle light, he began to eat his figs, enjoying every bite. Suddenly, he felt something in his mouth. He stuck his finger in the side of his mouth and pulled out a beetle. He lokked through the bowl of figs to discover that it was infested with beatles. What did he do? He then blew out the candle and continued to eat the rest of the figs.

For some of us, it is easier to dim the light of truth bearing on our situation and find someone to blame or some way to justify our current course of action since this seems a whole lot easier than changing ourselves or our direction in life.

10. We don't know how to succeed at making lasting changes in our lives.

Isn't it amazing how we, as parents, will invest all kinds of time, energy, and money into our children to teach them how to win at sports? However, we are reluctant to spend money on a book, CD, MP3 download, or seminar to help ourselves in order to help them win at achieving their goals in life.

Isn't it interesting how each year we will spend money maintaining our hair; and yet, we are reluctant to spend money in the area of personal development? I mean, we spend more money taking care of the outside of our head than we will taking care of the inside of our head

I recently attended a presentation in which the poverty of a particular area in Ontario, Canada, was presented. I listened to the speaker talk about all the things the government was doing to help these people in poverty, enabling them to remain in their state of learned helplessness.

Finally, I could take it no more.

I raised my hand and asked the question, "Do you know of any program that will teach those in poverty how to live in abundance and attract wealth into their life? Is there a program in which people who were once living in poverty who overcame it who can now role model and teach those in poverty how to do the same?"

I received a vague answer, a fogged response.

I like what Jim Rohn said. "Formal education will make you a living; self education with make you a fortune."

I believe teaching our children and teenagers how to educate themselves in the area of personal self-improvement and providing them training in the area of how to win at the game of life would decrease some of the negative outcomes we are seeing take place in our local communities.

11. We are being "enabled" in some way.

Some people may find it difficult to change if someone or some organization is supporting them in their choices, lifestyle, or behaviour. Enabling can also happen when the person has support in dealing with the consequences of their poor choices and negative consequences resulting from their behaviour.

Enablers are those who, by their interventions, keep those they assist in a state of what is called "learned helplessness". Enablers take care of other people and their problems and help clean up the consequences of their actions. Enablers keep giving people money instead of teaching them how to earn it for themselves.

I recall as a boy wanting a bike like every other kid on the street. I asked my dad if he would buy me one. I had a picture of a wonderful father and son moment going to Consumers Distributing, filling out the little from with the small sawed-off pencil, and seeing the clerk produce a large box containing my brand new bicycle.

"I will pay 50% of the cost of any bike you want. You have to think of a way to make the other 50%," was my father's response. "How can I make the money?" I asked.

My dad went around to the backyard and brought out a manual push mower and rake. "Son, I want you to sit on the porch all day long if you have to and think about how you can use these to make money for that new bike you want," he said as he left for work.

In an hour, I was knocking on doors in the neighbourhood asking people if they needed their lawn cut. I earned my 50% and bought the bike. I also learned how much my father loved me since even as a child he worked to instill in me the principle of taking action to get what you want rather than whining about it until others do it for you.

There are several more reasons why we stay where we are in life such as "I don't feel like doing anything right now". "The timing just isn't right", "I will wait and see if an opportunity opens up". Motivate yourself to make powerful and positive changes in life. Begin today by writing out a list of all the benefits you will enjoy by first designing your life the way you want it to be and then by taking daily action to create the outcomes you want to experience.