Choosing to work on yourself is great because you have complete and total control over who you are, what you do, and the person you strive to be. Recognizing that you need to work on yourself does not assume that you are somehow defective or you need improvement before you can go out in the world and find love. It simply means that when you work on being the very best you there is, you will begin attracting the very best to you. I often work with clients on relationship issues and one of the questions I hear over and over again is "why do I keep ending up with unavailable men?" or "why do I always end up with men who don't treat me as their priority?" and the answer is quite simple really. You attract that because that is what you put out there and that is what you expect. The notion that we treat people how to treat us is as old as cavemen but it is true nonetheless.

Most people don't realize how much power and influence they have over their own situation and how important their behavior is in determining how someone else will treat them and respond to them. The best example that comes to mind was a client I had who really wanted to have a significant relationship but she never seemed to meet the type of men she wanted to date, yet she continued to date them anyway. This person was going through some major transitions in her life, she had very negative feelings about her body, her current occupation, and her social network and yet she wanted someone who was strong, intelligent, attractive, and would challenge her to be a better person. In other words, everything she was not, at least not at the moment. This is a common thread I see with clients who are looking for love. They are looking for the person who embodies everything they wish they were but instead of realizing that they are going to attract the same energy they are putting out there (doubt, lack of confidence, dissatisfaction, etc.) they scratch their head time and again wondering why they continue to end up with the wrong person. In this instance, I ask them to tell me what they want in a partner. Then I ask them to tell me what types of things they think that type of person would want. Invariable they come to the realization that the type of person they want to date would not be interested in dating someone who was as down and depressive as they are feeling at that moment.

This exercise really works in helping people see how powerful their energy is and what it says to the world. So, this does not mean you must be perfect or you will never find the person of your dreams but it does mean that you have to create positive change in your life in the areas that are weighing you down and preventing you from being the best you there is. If you want someone who is active and in shape, hit the trails yourself and practice what you preach. If you want someone who is driven and ambitious, you better find something in your life to be passionate about and place your energy into positive action. If you want someone to love you and make you their priority, love yourself enough to not put up with anything less.

A good rule of thumb when considering relationships is that you must love yourself enough to get what you want and what you believe you deserve. It is not possible to love enough for two people. If you truly love who you are and are the very best you there is, there will be plenty of others waiting to love you too.