How to Deal With a Resistance to Affection From Your Toddler
- Date: 2008-08-12 - Word Count: 413
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It's quite normal for a toddler who was once very affectionate and accepted all of your hugs and kisses to start to push away from those affections at a certain age (for example around age 2 1/2.)
Not every toddler goes through this stage and it's far more common in boys than it is in girls.
A boy may actually refuse to kiss "mommy" as a way of dealing with his strong attraction to her which he may feel very uncomfortable with.
But for the most part, the refusal to kiss or hug back is a way of declaring independence. It's a natural part of your child's growth so you should not be alarmed by it.
You should never scold your toddler for rejecting your hugs & kisses and you should also never please or beg for hugs & kisses from your toddler.
Usually this resistance to affection is just a stage that a toddler goes through and they will be happy to receive your affection again. Well until their next independence phase anyway!
This doesn't mean that you should never attempt to hug your child during this "phase." Even if your child rejects your hugs, it's still good to let them know that you want to hug them. On some level they will appreciate this. Do not take these things personally, remember that you are the adult and they are the child.
You can use the following methods for attempting to hug a child which is avoiding your hugs:
1. Use a light touch. It may be that your child is not into a "smothering" hug but may be fine with a quick and light hug. Or perhaps try some other form of lighter touch such as a stroke on the cheek or a soft shoulder squeeze. These are displays of affection but they won't feel as intrusive to your toddler.
2. Try a "macho" approach. In some cases just the opposite may work. If you have a very active toddler you can try things like "slapping a high five" or tickling in place of a soft "mushy" hug. It really depends on the personality of your toddler. There's no one answer fits all!
3. Time your hugs. A good time to offer your child a hug is right before or right after a nap, right before bedtime, and after a bath. You can establish some regular routines for hugging time. This is a good way to keep your child close to you without impeding too much on their desire to be an individual.
Not every toddler goes through this stage and it's far more common in boys than it is in girls.
A boy may actually refuse to kiss "mommy" as a way of dealing with his strong attraction to her which he may feel very uncomfortable with.
But for the most part, the refusal to kiss or hug back is a way of declaring independence. It's a natural part of your child's growth so you should not be alarmed by it.
You should never scold your toddler for rejecting your hugs & kisses and you should also never please or beg for hugs & kisses from your toddler.
Usually this resistance to affection is just a stage that a toddler goes through and they will be happy to receive your affection again. Well until their next independence phase anyway!
This doesn't mean that you should never attempt to hug your child during this "phase." Even if your child rejects your hugs, it's still good to let them know that you want to hug them. On some level they will appreciate this. Do not take these things personally, remember that you are the adult and they are the child.
You can use the following methods for attempting to hug a child which is avoiding your hugs:
1. Use a light touch. It may be that your child is not into a "smothering" hug but may be fine with a quick and light hug. Or perhaps try some other form of lighter touch such as a stroke on the cheek or a soft shoulder squeeze. These are displays of affection but they won't feel as intrusive to your toddler.
2. Try a "macho" approach. In some cases just the opposite may work. If you have a very active toddler you can try things like "slapping a high five" or tickling in place of a soft "mushy" hug. It really depends on the personality of your toddler. There's no one answer fits all!
3. Time your hugs. A good time to offer your child a hug is right before or right after a nap, right before bedtime, and after a bath. You can establish some regular routines for hugging time. This is a good way to keep your child close to you without impeding too much on their desire to be an individual.
Related Tags: parenting, toddler, baby advice
Marvin J. Markus recommends reading the My Baby Advice Baby Blog for more parenting tips. Shop for your baby online at their online baby store.
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